Therapy
by Lulu Shinigami
Summary: Funny! Read this fic. Sally and Wufei find they have more in common than big heads...in both sences...Damn her head is huge...


A Sally and Wufei fic by Lulu Shinigami. Don't forget my mongoose. Strictly no suing, Chewbacca comes first.  
  
I don't happen to own gundam wing, but if I did, I believe I would sue you all and get all your money and be a fat cat for the rest of my life living comfortably with Chewbacca and make Legolas and Duo my bitches. Because I am an elf.long story.you know what I'm talking about Alyssa.  
  
************  
  
Therapy  
  
Sally stared at her partner, gritting her teeth. "That.was.the last.time. you will ever say that Wufei!"  
  
Wufei didn't respond. He actually looked quite scared. Sally hardly ever became this mad. And he hadn't really done that much, well, he had called her an uneducated excuse for a preventer WOMAN. But it wasn't like it was the first time.  
  
The door to their joint office opened just as she lunged for his neck, completely catching him off guard. "AARRRGH!" Wufei let out a muffled cry, falling to the ground with both his hands trying to pry Sally's away from his neck.  
  
"Um, did I just walk in on one of you 'little games' again?" A smirking Duo asked from the door frame he was leaning on, not in the least bit ready to offer his old friend some help.  
  
"Ugh, hegh" Wufei tried to speak.  
  
"You need something Duo?"  
  
"No, no, just dropped by to say hi, but now that there's a show on.that gives me an idea!"  
  
Duo stepped back into the hallway and put his hands up to his mouth like a megaphone.  
  
"Wufei's getting his ass kicked!.BY A WOMAN!!!"  
  
In a matter of seconds the hallway was full of people watching as Sally and Wufei battled it out. They scuffled for a while, rolling over the floor, running into office furniture, swearing at each other.  
  
Eventually Wufei wrenched himself free.  
  
"What is wrong with you woman? That time of the month again Onna!?"  
  
"Oh you fucking didn't."  
  
Sally was breathing like a bull, ready to attack.  
  
Duo was taking bets.  
  
"I got a five to one on Wufei losing a limb!"  
  
"I'll give you seven to one for Sally kicking him in the-!"  
  
The crowd suddenly silenced. The duelling pair didn't seem to notice.  
  
Sally rushed at Wufei again, this time slamming him up against the wall just as someone pushed their way through the crowd.  
  
"I, um, I was just about to, uh, I gotta go!" Duo ran away stuffing money into his shirt.  
  
"I swear Wufei, you show me some fucking respect or I'm gonna-!"  
  
"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE!"  
  
Both turned to see the face of Lady Une at the door with her hands on her hips.  
  
Sally smiled sweetly, both hands holding Wufei by the scruff of his preventers' jacket. "Just a minute ma'am."  
  
"No Sally. Unhand him. Now."  
  
Sally gave Wufei one last death stare and dropped her hands to her sides, stepping away cautiously, her eyes not leaving his face as he rubbed his neck and made choking noises.  
  
"This is getting ridiculous. You two are the best we have and you both fight like goddamn children."  
  
Both suddenly arose in a swarm of protests.  
  
"He started it!"  
  
"I would never fight a WOMAN!"  
  
"You should have heard what he called me!"  
  
"She's insane!"  
  
"ENOUGH!"  
  
*Silence*  
  
Their mouths slammed shut.  
  
So did the door. There were a mass of people leaning out of their offices trying to get an earful of the action.  
  
"I can't split you two up and I can't afford to lose either of you. I have decided that the two of you are going to have to."  
  
Both waited for their punishment.  
  
".go into therapy."  
  
"WHAT!" They said together.  
  
"You leave in the morning. I've organised everything."  
  
"Where exactly are we going.?" Sally asked timidly.  
  
"I.can't.actually tell you that. There was an isolated incident where a couple went there and then returned a year later and attempted to kill all their therapists."  
  
"Oh." Sally sighed. "Wait a minute!"  
  
"Did you say 'couple'?" Wufei added for her.  
  
"Yes.you are attending couple's therapy-"  
  
They began to shout again.  
  
"SILENCE!"  
  
*so silent you can hear the crickets.wherever they are.*  
  
"Count your blessings; it is also a tropical resort colony. You will be there until you work all of this out. You only have to attend therapy for an hour a day, it might take days, it might take years, I don't care. So you can treat this like a holiday. All. Expense. Paid."  
  
Sally liked the sound of that.  
  
Wufei crossed his arms and tried not to look like he was in excruciating pain.  
  
"I do not like this Lady Une."  
  
"You don't have to like it Wufei. Have a nice trip"  
  
And with that she left. Well, kinda. She opened the door to find the hallway full of people who had been listening at the door. The closest of which was Duo. He hadn't actually noticed the door had opened. He just stood there with his ear where the door used to be, telling everyone else to shut-up.  
  
"Une's about to blow again." He whispered.  
  
"Don't you have work to do?"  
  
"Eeeep!" Duo leapt into a nearby Hilde's arms.  
  
"Argh! Duo!" Hilde yelped. "You wouldn't weigh so much if it wasn't for your damn braid!"  
  
"Sorry." He got back to his feet slowly as Lady Une walked away and the crowd dispersed. Hilde slapped him on the back of the head. "Money. Now." She said, rubbing her fingers together in front of his face.  
  
"Awwwww." Duo sighed, digging out the money from inside his jacket and slapping it into her outstretched hand. "Happy now?" He sulked.  
  
"Yes!" Hilde smiled with delight, looking at her watch. "Oooh look! Lunch break! Mall time!"  
  
Duo slumped his shoulders, defeated. "See ya!" Hilde skipped away.  
  
Duo quickly forgot about the money when he saw the shocked staring faces of the two bruised people in the office in front of him. Their eyes were wide and they refused to move or look at each other.  
  
"I kinda, uh, I-" He couldn't help himself. "AAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!!!!" He fell over as Sally walked over and kicked him in the butt and slammed the door. They could still hear him laughing as they glanced at each other with contempt.  
  
Wufei opened his mouth to say something.  
  
"Don't.say.anything."  
  
He didn't want to get his ass kicked again, so he gritted his teeth and slumped into his chair as she did the same.  
  
Sally slammed her face onto the desk and screamed.  
  
"AAAARRRGH!" She pounded her fists. "WHY CAN'T I HAVE A NORMAL PARTNER!"  
  
* * *  
  
"Oh fuck."  
  
"Aloha! Welcome to Paradise colony 4XX35!"  
  
"I thought they weren't meant to tell us where they were." Wufei whispered to Sally as a group of Hawaiian shirt clad too damn happy looking people emerged from the main building. "Don't worry sir; we give a different colony name to everyone who comes here."  
  
She wouldn't stop smiling.  
  
"No one smiles that much." Sally whispered as they took their bags and ushered them into the lobby.  
  
"I'm scared." Wufei admitted truthfully. Sally just nodded, she was too.  
  
  
  
They walked over to reception as the smiley girl checked them in.  
  
"Okay." she said as she clicked away at the keyboard, staring intently at the monitor of her computer.  
  
".Mr and Mrs Chang?"  
  
"oh, no, no, no." Sally protested politely. "You must have some kind of a mistake."  
  
"You'll find we don't make mistakes here Mrs Chang."  
  
The girl smiled.  
  
Sally didn't.  
  
"Listen woman-" Wufei began when he heard the noise of a zip being wrenched open. Both spun around to see two of the Hawaiian shirted khaki men opening their bags on a table.  
  
"What the hell are you doing?!" He demanded.  
  
The man with Wufei's bag began pulling out swords and ninja stars.  
  
"I'm sorry sir, these just aren't allowed."  
  
Wufei began to insult the man as Sally said calmly; "Nothing in my bag."  
  
In an instant a pair of hands began to pat her down. "What the?" She spun around and grabbed the wrists of the woman behind her.  
  
"Policy ma'am, we have to check for weapons."  
  
"I'm a preventer!"  
  
"So am I!" Wufei protested.  
  
"Which is exactly why we are wearing our bullet proof vests today." The smiley girl said with a smile.  
  
Sally sighed. "Listen, I won't waste your time, here" She started pulling out guns and knives from hiding placed all over her.  
  
Wufei stared with wide eyes as she produced four guns, two from under her jacket, and another two from her ankles as she put her leg up on the table to pull knives out of her boots.  
  
She then emptied her pockets of stunning instruments and a stray hand grenade. "Don't know how that got in there." She said as if it was nothing strange to be carrying a hand grenade around.  
  
Wufei continued to stare as she pulled razor blades out of her bra and removed the chopsticks which had been holding her hair in place.  
  
He didn't understand the chopsticks.  
  
Sally saw the look on his face and unscrewed them to show sharp spikes capable of being stabbed into or thrown at a person.  
  
"Ohhhh." Now he understood.  
  
"Thank-YOU!" The smiley girl said as she struggled to carry all the items from Sally's de-weaponing.  
  
"So, uh, where do we go now?"  
  
"Here are your room keys," A random smiley guy handed them both keys. "You're free to explore the resort until your therapy session at 4 o'clock.  
  
  
  
"Okay."  
  
They wouldn't stop smiling.  
  
Sally and Wufei couldn't take their eyes off the smileys. They backed into an elevator and stared ahead as the smileys formed a group and waved goodbye to them as the doors closed.  
  
*stunned silence*  
  
"What the fuck is wrong with them.?"  
  
"It's considered mental illness in my country." Wufei told her.  
  
"and must you swear so much onna?" He demanded.  
  
Sally disregarded the question.  
  
"What does your key say?"  
  
"seven one three." Wufei answered casually.  
  
".so does mine." Sally sounded as if she could cry.  
  
".oh fuck." Wufei muttered.  
  
* * *  
  
".oh fuck." Wufei said again as he opened the door to their room.  
  
Sally resisted the urge to repeat his words.  
  
"Okay," she summised, 'One bed..."  
  
"This is unacceptable." Wufei muttered.  
  
"Minibar." Sally said relief.  
  
"Don't worry Wufei." Sally said as she sat down on the floor and swept the alcoholic content of the fridge onto the floor. "You can sleep on the floor."  
  
"Grrrr." Wufei replied.  
  
"Oh shut-up. Have a drink." She threw a bottle at him, a little harder than she probably should have.  
  
He caught it just before it smashed into his forehead.  
  
Sally reached above the fridge and groped around, finding a glass. She got down four and set about filling them all up with whatever she could find.  
  
".ameni utarenagara." Sally began singing.  
  
"What did you say woman?" Wufei asked as he downed the bottle of.whatever Sally had thrown at him.  
  
"Nothin'." She forgot all about the rage she had yesterday and her madness at him calling her woman.  
  
"Mmmm.eeny.meeny.miny.MO!"  
  
Wufei jumped.  
  
Sally grabbed the 'mo' drink and swallowed it in one gulp.  
  
Wufei recovered quickly and sat down next to Sally. "Wanna drink Wuffie?"  
  
"Hit me." He replied with a blank face.  
  
*SLAP*  
  
"I MEANT GIVE ME A DRINK!"  
  
"Ooops."  
  
* * *  
  
"Oh no Wuffie! We're late for therapy!"  
  
"Out of my way Mrs. Chang!"  
  
"I can't walk!" Sally giggled.  
  
"I suppose I must carry you then." Wufei was about to pick her up off the floor.  
  
"Wait! I need another drink!"  
  
"No you don't."  
  
"You're drunk Wu-chan."  
  
"So are you."  
  
*pause*  
  
"AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
  
  
* * *  
  
"No no no. Go back. Yeah. That one!"  
  
Wufei struggled to walk around with Sally in his arms.  
  
"How do I open the door?"  
  
"How drunk are you?"  
  
"I don't know how to open the door. Did I know before I was drunk?."  
  
"Try the handle."  
  
"Where is it?  
  
".I dunno. Just open the door how you usually do."  
  
"Do you think they'll get mad?"  
  
"They can send Lady Une the bill."  
  
With that, Wufei kicked open the door. To find.  
  
A room full of people, all staring at them.  
  
"I didn't know it was 'group' therapy." Sally says calmly.  
  
"I have dishonoured myself." Wufei whispers, mortified.  
  
"I have forgotten my name." Sally says, a puzzled look on her face. Wufei looks at her.  
  
"I think it's Kelly or something. What's mine?"  
  
"Richard."  
  
"Oh, ok."  
  
"Sorry everybody!" The drunk girl hollered to.everyone.in the colony.  
  
"Yeah, uh, sorry." Wufei adds pathetically.  
  
A smiley person walks over. But they aren't smiling.  
  
"Please take a seat. You're late."  
  
"Duh, we said we were sorry." Sally tells the smiley guy with a sulky childish look on her face.  
  
"I think you should put me down Wufei." Sally whispers.  
  
"Good idea."  
  
He drops her.  
  
She is smart enough to hold onto his neck and kind of get her feet on the ground.  
  
"Thanks asshole."  
  
"Always a pleasure."  
  
They walk over to the other people who are all sitting in a circle and take seats.  
  
"This is Mr and Mrs Chang." The smiley guy says.  
  
"Hello Mr and Mrs Chang." The room choruses.  
  
"Uh, hi."  
  
"Yeah, hi."  
  
"Ok, now that we're all here, we can begin. Mr and Mrs Yamaguchi, you were telling us about your troubles in the bedroom."  
  
"oh fuck." Wufei mutters.  
  
Sally stifles a giggle with a cough.  
  
"I just don't understand him!" A pudgy woman with a ridiculous shade of maroon hair and an inch of grey regrowth says in a whiny voice.  
  
"I don't understand her!" The old dude next to her adds.  
  
"Okay, good, good." Smiley guy encourages.  
  
"I want yellow wallpaper! He wants green! I tell him yellow is a happy colour, green is the colour of fungus! And he says-"  
  
"Lets not talk about fungus dear."  
  
"How could you!" She slaps the back of his balding head with her hand-bag.  
  
"Heh-heh."  
  
"Alriiiiight." The smiley guy takes control of the situation. "How about we hear from." He glances at his clipboard.  
  
"Please not us, please not us."  
  
"Mr and Mrs Chang!"  
  
".oh fuck."  
  
Neither speaks.  
  
Everyone stares at them.  
  
"I'm afraid you have to share if you're going to leave today." Smiley guy sings.  
  
Sally smiles.  
  
"He never gives up!"  
  
"What?" Wufei says, turning his head slowly to look at her.  
  
"He just wants it all the time!"  
  
"Uh-huh, good, keep going." Smiley guy is interested. So is the rest of the group. They lean forward in their chairs to hear the details.  
  
"I just can't keep up with him!"  
  
Wufei still hasn't caught on.  
  
"What is this debauchery onna?"  
  
"Debauchery! I tell you a little about debauchery! 7 times a day! You're an animal!"  
  
"Have you gone insane woman?!"  
  
"Yes I have." Sally stands up. And almost falls down. "Insanely in love."  
  
The group holds their breath.  
  
"With someone else!"  
  
The room gasps.  
  
Smiley guy doesn't know what to say.  
  
"Uh, uh, I, um, could you, uh,"  
  
"I demand to know who it is!" Wufei stands up.  
  
"I can't tell you!"  
  
"Why not!"  
  
"Because I only saw him for one night, I don't remember his name."  
  
The collective eyes of the people in the room open wider than physically possible.  
  
Smiley guy is having a coronary.  
  
"You evil onna! I should have know from the start that-"  
  
Sally runs over and kisses him.  
  
He is shocked, but he gets over it.  
  
The rest of the room however does not.  
  
The smiley guy is still confused.  
  
Mr and Mrs Chang don't let up.  
  
Smiley guy starts running around the room.  
  
"I'M NOT REALLY HAPPY! I'M SAD! I'VE NEVER HAD A GIRLFRIEND IN MY LIFE! I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!"  
  
The couples don't move. For a moment anyway. They bolt for the door, which would normally be locked to prevent an outburst like this, but Mr Chang broke the door down.  
  
So Sally and Wufei just stand there making out as the guy runs around the room in circles screaming like a girl and ripping his hair out.  
  
They finally come up for air.  
  
"I need a drink." Sally says.  
  
"I need a gun." He looks over at insane/smiley guy.  
  
They begin to leave the room with their arms around each others backs.  
  
"After you." Wufei gives a slight bow to allow Sally through the remnants of a door frame.  
  
"Thankyou." Sally says sweetly with a smile.  
  
She doesn't realise that Wufei stayed back for a reason.  
  
As smiley guy makes another pass around the room.  
  
*SMACK*  
  
.Wufei gives him a good punch.  
  
"MY FACE, MY BEAUTIFUL FACE!!!" The guy squeals.  
  
"Weak." Wufei shakes his head.  
  
* * *  
  
  
  
"What the hell is going on.?" Duo stares into the office of Sally and Wufei.  
  
"Don't ask me, they were only gone for one day." Hilde answers him.  
  
"But why are they laughing? This isn't funny!"  
  
Wufei and Sally are running around trying to kill each other.  
  
"I'm scared." Duo confesses.  
  
"You're not alone."  
  
"And where's Trowa? They're throwing knives."  
  
They back away slowly from the door and then make a run for it.  
  
"You'll never kill me onna!"  
  
"I'm not trying to; I just wanna maim you a little!"  
  
"AAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!"  
  
* * *  
  
"Lady Une, are you sure it was wise to send them to that.place?" A random preventer asks.  
  
"Well we got rid of those damn smiley clones didn't we?"  
  
"I guess so. But.look at them!"  
  
They stared at the security camera footage from Sally and Wufei's office.  
  
"I knew we had to get rid of them, and the only way was to send our best people, so I did. I just.didn't tell them."  
  
"I still don't understand what happened."  
  
"It's simple, the smiley clones were programmed to help people, but those two, they were beyond help. That little scene at group therapy sent one of them mad. That set off a chain reaction. We're lucky they got out of there before they all started blowing up."  
  
"What are we going to do about them now?"  
  
Lady Une and her assistant looked at the screen again. It now showed Sally and Wufei playing one of their 'little games'. Lady Une turned off the monitor.  
  
"Don't worry, I got a five to one on them trying to kill each other by the end of the week."  
  
Owari.  
  
Hope you liked my fic. Don't sue me ( Have a nice day(  
  
Look out for more of my stuff. Can't write too much more, my buddy and I are swapping burping strategies over a few bottles of highly sugary pineapple stuff my Mum bought from a drug dealer. I am showing Jenna how we used to burp in da hood. Ya run up da hill, usually cos some bitch is riding yo ass for dough, and then ya jump up and down like you dropped yo bong and yo carpet is on fia. Den ya run back down da hill like the cops is chasing ya with dey glocks, And den ya burp like you was giving ya shout outs to everybody in da whole neighba-hood.  
  
Just kidding. Were actually drinking the drugs from the dealer, I swapped it with some otha shit my ma bought with our social security check and food stamps. But try my burping theory, it may not sound pretty, but it gets the results you need. And guaranteed to get yo ass a chick in thirty seconds or less. Or in our case, an anime character of the MALE persuasion.  
  
Damn, I wrote more than I thought I would. Time to leave. It's time for the sacrifice.  
  
JaNe! 


End file.
